I do not believe I have met a perfect person. I am certainly not even close to being that person, and you know what? I do not want to be. I have made my share of mistakes and I do not think I would be sitting in front of this computer screen today without having gone through the trials that I have. Without accepting the decisions I made, even the ones that ended up hurting myself and those closest to me, I would not be who I am.
I want to get into cheating, being unfaithful or simply put,as some have outright said it to me, being a selfish asshole. I was planning on using more colorful details, but I will spare you of that. Why did I do it? I think for a couple of reasons. I want to make it clear, these are reasons, not excuses. I take responsibility for my actions.
1. I was unhappy with where I was with my life. I wanted something different, but did not want to work to make the needed changes, but rather wanted to take what I thought at the time was an easier route. I wanted an easy out.
2. I thought what I had with my “significant other” was not worth tarnishing with the truth, because I did not want to hurt them. This was selfish and a lie that I told myself. I did not want to deal with the mess that comes with acknowledging the fact that a relationship may not be working out.
3. I wanted to have sex. I wanted to enjoy other people’s company knowing I could come home to someone who I felt I deserved and wanted to make it work with.
4. I was an egotistical, narcissistic human being who only had thoughts of my desires. Nothing more needs to be said here to expand. That is self explanatory in and of itself.
These are some of reasons, the list goes on though. I am dealing with it on the daily. I do not know why I live in a world where relationships are met with hashtags such as:
#goals #relationshipgoals #lovehim #loveher #perfecttogether #madeforeachother #forlife
It’s like we are systematically conditioning ourselves to believe relationships are not meant to go through conflict. Why do we choose to live lives that are unfulfilling rather than address a problem? As long as I can help it, I will never go back to being the person who hides from her sexuality and curiosity for the sake of the comfort of others as well as for the sake of not hurting a loved ones feelings. I know that who I am today is, because of the mistakes I made, including cheating. I want to openly come out and say that it is hard being with just one person. It is impossible to not be attracted to another person in a monogamous relationship. I do not have answers, but I do understand that if I want to grow personally and with another person it will take conversation and open communication.
The title of this post is, “Why do we cheat? I’m beginning to see why I did, because I am no longer afraid of the answers I’m learning. I’m not saying everyone reading this tonight has cheated or is cheating, however I hope you figure out your truth and hopefully my words resonate with someone.