I want to share a story with you about a blessing. This blessing changed worlds like only she could. Her mother told me the story over several cups of hot tea. Outside it’s misty and cloudy, a chilly day. Inside there is a warm fire blazing and we are seated on a comfortable couch. Her mother begins the story.
She was pregnant with her in high school. Her family would never understand. The friends she needed were gone. She felt she was all alone in the world, with the burden of two now. There wasn’t a person who understood. But, she knew the decision she had to make required the strength of Hercules and then some. She had to tell her family. Everything would change, but perhaps it already had and this was just the final push to take her over the edge. She had to take the leap. To not do so would be selfish and the life that grew inside her deserved better. It was now or never and the latter was not part of her vocabulary.
That day she sat down her mother and father and told them that she held a blessing inside her. That she had made her decision. She was sure of this decision as one is that the sun will bring light into the world each morning. Her parents tried to reason with her. They tried to explain how the world would look down on them. They tried to explain that good girls don’t put themselves in this precarious position. They tried to talk her out of it, they tried screaming at her, they tried crying to her, but to no avail. Her decision was made. They knew there was nothing more they could do, except accept it.
She told her parents that she knew this was the right decision. After the baby was to be born, she would go to another family, but until then, she was all hers. No one could take that from her. The nine months that she carried her blessing were some of the best moments of her life. She told me that every night she would tell her baby a new story before going to sleep. Sometimes she would read stories that she had grown up with. She believed that she was passing on the lessons that she wanted her daughter to carry with her throughout her life. She told me that whenever she could, she would talk to her daughter. She would tell her daughter her love for her. How much having her was one of the best decisions that she could have made.
I asked her how it was dealing with the social stigma that came with being pregnant in high school, especially being raised in the traditional and conservative environment that she had been raised in. She told me that based upon her parents request, her pregnancy was hidden. No one was to know about the blessing that grew inside her. She went through it all alone. There were not any friends that she could lean on through this time in her life, there weren’t family members who knew about this reality. It was only her, her parents, and her blessing. She told me that to this day no one in her family or high school had any idea about the baby. She felt it was the best kept secret that she never shared and was happy to do so. The privilege of bringing a healthy baby into this world was enough for her. More than enough.
There were days that she felt she was alone. All alone. Days where her heart was so broken, she felt it would never be whole again. She did not know how she could part from a blessing that brought her so much joy. She would envision a paradigm where she could find a couple of jobs that would allow her to keep her blessing with her. She could make sure the baby grew up with her love. But, something deep within her told her that was the selfish move. She knew that for her baby to thrive, it was not going to be with her. She could give her baby so much, but nothing compared to what could be given by the family that was going to be adopting her.
She had met them. The ones who would one day be known by her daughter as mom and dad. They were good people. They had wanted children, but could never have one of their own. They were financially well off. Her daughter would be taken care of and be given opportunities that she herself could never afford. She told me there was this boiling rage of envy whenever she would think of them, because of the lifetime of moments she had given them with her daughter. She knew in the back of her mind that this was the right decision, however, her heart wanted to hold her daughter and never let go. But, let go she did.
The moment came too soon. She had looked into too many websites. Too many mommy blogs discussing how painful giving birth could be. She told me there was not a book or website in the world that could adequately describe the pain she felt. But, she would go through it again and again just for another moment with her blessing. She recalled for me the experience at length, but asked me to relay to you the following in her words:
“The moment she entered the world, she made her presence known. She mustered the air with the shrill of her lungs. She was ready to leave her mark in the world, not just mine. I knew right then and there that I had made the right decision. She was going to be given every opportunity in the world to leave a footprint that many dreamt of. I was a part of bringing this legacy to the world.”
I asked her how it felt holding her daughter for the first time. Her answer threw me off. She said she did not want to hold her blessing. She said that if she held her, she felt that she would never let go. This was a blessing that had touched her mind, body and soul. She had held her for nine months. Now it was time to let go. Let her go so that she could grow. To grow away from her, but to grow in a way that would nourish her to be the woman that she was destined to be.
As she talks, her eyes well up with tears. She is quick to tell me that those are not tears of sadness, but rather joy. The best decision she ever made was accepting her blessing even when it didn’t seem in the beginning that it was one. And the next best decision after that was letting her go. She has not heard anything about her daughter since she was born, however in her heart she knows that the decision she made was the right one. She loves her daughter, the way only a mother knows.
I wanted to share this story on here for a couple of reasons. The obvious is the inspiration I felt from being in this woman’s presence, knowing the strength she holds deep within herself. The second was, because of the number of people in my personal life who are afraid of the trials and tribulations that life throws at them. They run from their problems, because to put in effort and actively work towards their goals and aspirations is too much for them. This is to the people who want dreams handed to them on a silver platter. Life isn’t easy. In fact it can be downright emotionally shattering and draining. But, you have to actively choose to make the decision EVERY SINGLE DAY to pick yourself up and fight for what you believe in. Because, at the end of the day, if you don’t, no one else ever will.
I will close this post here. Thank you to the beautiful, strong and fire-filled woman who let me into her heart and for utilizing the New Flames as a vessel for sharing her story.
**This is a part of a series of stories shared with me from readers such as yourself. More to come!**