It is written…I went on a journey to try and get back to my roots. I had booked a trip with no return flight home. I needed to go so far from here. I needed to breathe and every time I thought of home, it was visions of different places, waking up to a new sunrise in a new city. I realized I was so lost. I was suffocating in all the expectations of the people I surrounded myself with; the fake energy. The disingenuous people. I needed to get back to authenticity. You see, this last year has been a very….transformative one for myself. There have been things that have truly hurt and left me sobbing and weak in lonely king beds:
1. I lost touch with loved ones, because I was too busy working
2. I lost my authenticity in search of more views; higher numbers
3. I fell in love with the idea of someone, rather than who they are
4. I was asked to sleep with someone, because they could help put me on…OBVIOUSLY I said no.
5. I lost a relationship of years, because it wasn’t our time. We needed to grow individually.
And then, there were things that helped my flame grow even stronger:
1. I realized I had lost touch with those who I needed to have by my side on this life journey, so I did the only thing that made sense. I put in work to rebuild bridges, only this time it is with stronger material that is built to last.
2. I came back to my roots, my words, my heart, my soul…Soul NEVER for sale.
3. I learned to appreciate a wonderful human being for what they are rather than what I wanted them to be.
4. I looked temptation in the eye and told it to fuck off…LITERALLY. In that moment, all I could think was, “you will never look your mother in the eyes again if you go through with this…” And that voice won out. I have never been happier of the person I’m becoming each and every day.
5. I realized that I didn’t lose any relationship, I understood that we needed to grow individually. I gained experience and understood that love alone is never enough to sustain a relationship. I realized that to truly love someone is to let them go and let them grow into who they are meant to become…and if it’s real, you’ll find your way back again.
Yes, this year has been transformative indeed. Now, it’s time to come home, because I have never been a runner. When something throws me off my path, I come back stronger; ready to tackle it. I needed a breather, I needed to recollect and come back with a solid game plan. There isn’t anyone or any amount of money in the world that can take me away from my principles, my heart, my words, my soul.
I want to end this with a message to anyone out there who has ever been tested to give up their own authenticity at the hands of social media, corporations, insert other evils you are fighting against, etc. Never give in to what your heart believes is your calling. Never settle. Always keep listening to your heart and fight for it, because if you give up on your heart, what else is left? Always remember, “maktub”.