I’m going to layout my vulnerabilities for you tonight. I am a child. A novice. And I’ll be damned if I’m not proud of that. I get scared that in a world filled with tough exteriors, I may end up bumping into too many fake facades and get bruised up. It scares me, man. When I really start thinking about this and get into my feelings, it’s like going into a deep dark dreary rabbit hole. I have to actively make the chemical reactions taking place in my brain to switch up. To realize that I am just a child. A novice. And to not fall victim to this fucked up jaded mentality.
I tell myself that my dreams are right there. All the work that I’m putting in is bringing together all that I deserve and more. I really don’t get it, you know? There’s so much to appreciate, to take in, to widen our lenses for. Yet, somewhere along the way, our views became narrow. We were taught to look at things as what they were and not how they could be. Our home lives, our schooling, our careers…I fell victim to this mentality for a long time.
I made some choices I’m not proud of. I’ve hurt some people and in the process hurt myself even more than them. I lied one too many times. I’ve broken the trust of good people who’ve done nothing, but keep faith in me even when I had none in myself. I’ve lied to my parents about the woman I was becoming, because I was ashamed they wouldn’t accept me. I’ve flown to different places trying to run from myself. Always saying,
“Oh, I’m more at home in the clouds.”
That’s romantic and all, in IG posts, but here’s the difference between who I was that would say that and the person I am now who says,
“I am more at home in the clouds. I’m also at home being there for the people that need me when they need me, not just when it’s convenient for me. I’m also at home working for my dreams. I’m also at home spending time in rather than go out, making moves on the low that help build my momentum to reach new heights. I am also at home with uncomfortability and growing from that. I will not run from my truth. I will broaden my lens; gain new perspectives…”
Let’s have a brief moment of reflection. Everything that was led to everything that is. So many different scenarios, opportunities, coincidences, molecules and atoms had to come together to create this moment right here that led to you reading this post. So, that being said, why wouldn’t you take this opportunity to become a child once more and let go of that tough exterior that life has helped mold and really revel in the uncomfortability of working towards your dreams. Take that leap of faith.
Because, why the fuck not?