I don’t do this often, but lately I’ve been thinking of you more often than I care to admit. I’m surrounded by a lot of almost-somebody’s and it’s taking a toll on my heart. Everyone either wants something or I’m not enough to have them give me their time. These people, their eyes wander a little to far off away from my eyes when we have conversations, revealing their true nature.
I don’t come around often, I know, that’s on me. I miss your presence in my life. I’m glad I was able to make the drive to come see you last night. The moon was overhead and your resting place was quiet. I could hear from time to time, the passing by car, but other than that the air was still with a chill that went through me. But, I didn’t care. I needed something real to come hold me down. And you’re presence was sorely missed. I needed to be reminded why I do what I do.
I remember the day you left me. I didn’t think that I could have survived it. The moment you stopped breathing, I found it difficult for my heart to keep pumping blood to keep the oxygen pumping through me. It’s crazy to think that it’s been years and I still find myself from time to time trying to catch my breath. I never thought it would get easier. And you know, it doesn’t, not when it comes to you. It’s like reopening a wound that never really heals. We weren’t meant to go through life without each other, but the thing is, that choice was made for us. So, now, you are forever sitting in my mind on a pedestal that no one can ever move, because how do you compare to a memory?
I want to end this on a positive note, because that would make sense, right? But, I’m afraid, I don’t have anything this time around to finesse that. I need this. Today, I’ll be sad. Tomorrow’s another day and I’ll pick myself up again and keep it pushing.